The Worst Decision I Ever Made.
I should never have listened to my father.
Excerpt from my rough draft of Against the Grain: Chapter 1: Who Are You Listening To?
I scheduled a meeting with the Assistant Dean of Engineering. He was a great guy who always played pickup basketball with the football team in the Field House before practice. The day we met to discuss my plans is forever etched in my mind. I was so damn nervous. I was moving toward my fear yet once again. I made this decision independently and consulted no one before this meeting. I was determined to follow my passion and become a college-level football coach.
My hands were sweating, sitting in a guest chair outside his office. My heart was racing, and my mouth was so dry that my tongue felt like a piece of rotten wood. When the Assistant Dean opened his door to greet me, I stumbled for words. He welcomed me with a warm handshake and had me take a seat in his office. "Good morning, Craig. You guys had a great Blue/White Spring football game. You had some great runs from scrimmage yourself. The team looks good going into next season. It's a lot of fun seeing you out there, Craig, representing the School of Engineering. How may I help you today?"
With trepidation, I replied, "I've finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up! After working hard in the classroom, on the practice field, and at my recent Co-Op at Perkin-Elmer, I realize I want to be a college-level football coach, not an engineer. Sitting in a cubicle for eight hours a day isn't for me. I want to transfer to the School of Education and study to become a High School gym teacher if that's what it will take."
Much to my astonishment, he smiled and said, "Good for you, Craig! I couldn't be happier for you. Many young men and women attend college not knowing what they want to do and graduate with a degree they never use. Considering your size, to have succeeded as a walk-on at this level is an inspiration in itself. I do not doubt that you will be an excellent college football coach, and I bet you’ll get an internship right here at UCONN. Let me walk you over to the Dean of the School of Education and give you a personal introduction.”
The Assistant Dean of Engineering walked me to the Dean of Education office, introduced me, and told my story. The Dean of Education seemed as happy as I was. He stuck out his hand and grasped mine. “Welcome to the School of Education, Craig. You are only five semesters into your college education, so it looks like all your classes will count toward your eventual degree in Education. Now was the perfect time to make this change. Your workload will be considerably less, and you should be able to focus more on playing football and learning the X’s and O’s of the game. The School of Education is proud to have you.”
I thanked both men and floated back to my dorm. I had made the most significant decision of my life on my own, listening to only my council. I was proud of who I was becoming.
I finished the semester with final exams, packed up my belongings from my dorm room, and made the 45-minute trip back to my home in Putnam, Connecticut. I was nervous but excited to tell my parents about my new direction in life. After getting things unpacked and settled back into my bedroom, I told my parents I needed to talk to them. We sat in the living room, and I began.
"You both know I haven't been overly excited with my college engineering classes. I work twice as hard as most kids in my classes and have never really enjoyed the subjects. Sitting in a cubicle for six months at Perkin-Elmer made me want to hang myself. My love has always involved team sports, especially football, and I am committed to becoming a college-level football coach after graduation. I have thought long and hard about this over the entire last semester. I met with the Assistant Dean of Engineering and the Dean of Education, and I've switched to the School of Education beginning next semester."
“My goal is to get a coaching internship at UCONN upon graduation, but if that doesn’t happen, I am willing to become a gym teacher at the High School level and work my way into the college ranks. I know I’ll be a great head coach someday!” My mom smiled, and my dad glared. His eyes pierced holes into my soul.
“Craig, you’ve made a terrible decision. Being a football coach isn’t a real career. Look at your old High School football coach and gym teacher. Bob Deveau has never had any real money. He has always lived in an apartment and never owned his own home. He drives a used old vehicle. You are too smart and driven to have that as your career aspiration. They may pay more at the college level, but it will never amount to the job you will eventually have as an engineer working in a large company. You didn't even have the decency to discuss such a radical change with your mother and me. We will only continue to pay for your tuition if you transfer back into the School of Engineering and continue down the path you originally set for yourself. Take it or leave it."
My father was disgusted with me, so he exited his chair and walked outside. It was a lot of pressure for a 21-year-old who had grown up with such a demanding father. All my mother could say was, "You know how much your father has always wanted you to be an Engineer. He wants you to make a lot of money and live an easier life.” After an entire month of silent treatment, I buckled. I called and made an appointment with the Assistant Dean of Engineering. The day I drove back to campus felt like it was unfolding in slow motion. I knew I was making the wrong decision but felt too much pressure to conform to my father's desires.
When I walked into the Assistant Dean’s office, he could tell something important was at stake. I explained what had happened with my father and that I needed to switch back to Engineering. He looked me in the eyes and said, “Craig, I see this happen so many times. Parents truly want the best for their kids but fail to realize that their job isn’t picking what their kids should do for a living. Their job is to support what their children truly want to do. Many young men and women have no idea when they pick a career before college. But you did the work. You came and immersed yourself in your engineering studies, couldn’t get past your love for the game of football, and walked onto the team. You figured you might as well do a Co-Op to see what the real world was really like, and you did just that. With firsthand knowledge, you decided to follow your passion. You did what most of us never accomplish. You figured out what you want to do with your life and decided to follow it. Are you sure you want to go back to Engineering?”
I looked at the floor and begrudgingly said, “Yes.”
Without realizing the longer-term implications of this singular decision, I did what so many of us do. I listened to others' wants and desires and jumped back onto Society's Path. The path that leads to living a life of quiet desperation. If the story of my life reveals nothing more than the overriding importance of listening to your authentic self, I've succeeded. Far too many of us listen to those around us and believe they have our best interests at heart. I am here to tell you that most people you listen to - don't. Parents, teachers, and even close friends have preconceived notions about what success in life should entail. They fail to realize that the definition is different for everyone. Society wants us to believe that success is becoming one of the wealthiest people on the block while living a life of servitude to some large corporation.
Learn from me and stop believing the lie. Please listen to what Alex Hormozi has to say when it comes to listening to parents or anyone else who hasn't already reached the goals you wish to obtain.
I wrote Against the Grain: Ditch the American Dream and Build Your Own! to show you how to plot an alternate route to Society's Path and provide instructions for breaking out of Society's Box.
You can purchase my book by clicking on the link below:
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Until next week, remember the function of Freedom is to free someone else!